I've come to realise that you always look forward to something in life. This kind of impatient latent aspiration for a better moment.
Then it turns into smoke while the cold fingers attempt to grab the strands, the remnants of life they thought they could devour in sweet innocence and hope. Brought to the nostalgic past you then are, filling your throat with passionate memories of perfection. The cruel perfection of what once was but never will be.
What is to be done in the end - keep fantasizing about the unreachable, let the curtains of time blind our eyes and feed us with the ecstasy of what cannot be felt any more? Or try to worship the few scattered crumbs of our real Present, which will never be as soothing as the fireworks produced by the illusions of our insolent futures?
I suppose it's better to look forward to something than to patiently wait for the hours to disappear.
From a perhaps somewhat selfish point of view, I like the fact that you've written this in English. I think you're actually better at it than you might realise - of course it won't come as naturally to you as English isn't your mother tongue, but you've still manage to make your writing both poetic and poignant.
RépondreSupprimerI can certainly relate to longing for a nostalgic, perfect vision of the past that is impossible to reconcile with the future. And even if it were possible, we would dare not try - because we know deep down that it wouldn't quite be the same.
So yes, I agree, it is better to have things to look forward to - they can at least momentarily distract us from the past, if nothing else. And I hope you will have many more things to look forward to, both during your time in England and beyond. :)